April 28, 2010

April 28, 2010

Today was a nice weather day. Not hot, not cold, blue skies and a slight breeze. The dogs have been doing well. Not getting into too much trouble. Walking well and not barking at just anything that moves. All in all that is great. Jerry is still job hunting. I can still hope he'll find a job soon. Things seem to be waking up in the contruction world. There were a few posts to the KBR job site that he's applied for as well as looking on line at other construction company's. Working for Ready Labor is iffy at best. He worked two jobs, one was nights and the other was days but both have ended and right now there doesn't look like another job will be open through them. Georgia is lagging on the un-employment and Jerry's got to deal with that tomorrow as well as job hunting.

This is one of those times that I really regret not having a job skill I can rely on. No training in anything and no way to get any training either.

I am doing well, though. still able to get up and walk, able to take care of Jerry and our dogs, and still breathing.

My brother sent me a copy of our father's will. really, it wsn't that much of a surprise. I'm a bit dissapointed in what I read, but he really wasn't a Dad. He was the man who provided the sperm that caused my birth, but he had very, very little to do with my growing up.. He didn't come to my wedding even though he was in town that day. I did ask him to give me away and got a hemming and hawing story about if he's in town he might be able to do it. So I told him, I'd just have my older brother walk me instead. I did tell him when he because a Grand-father. three times over. He came to visit only when I was in the KC area, even though he drove a truck throughout the country and admited that he had come through an area we lived in fairly often for a while. Just never wanted to stop and say "hi". I guess.

I only tried to ask him for some money one time. When Jerry's father died, he needed to get to South Carolina from Missouri. Dad wasn't home at the time, so we found a different way to get him there. I got a call from Dad, a couple of months later, asking what I had wanted. that he had just found the note out in the yard. So really I never did ask him for any money, just thought about it, once. There were a couple of times, he didn't even reconize me. The first time, I know I had gained a lot of weight, but still. it had only been three years since I had seen him, before. The second time, I reconized him even after he lost weight and was eating at a buffet style place. But he didn't really know it was "ME" until a woman at the table asked him why I kept looking their way. He said, I think it's my daughter, but I'm not sure. I know he had trouble with his eyes. He came to our table after his friends left and we talked for a bit. Beth was around 14 at the time.

I was 14 when I found out I had a living father. I never asked and Mom never said anything about my father. I got to meet him for a while, then. Then we moved back to Colorado but moved back to Missouri again just a year or so later and I tried again to get to know my father, back then.

It's sad that he thought so little of me. but you know. I am not going to let it get me down. It was the way he always was. It doesn't make me a different person than the person I was yesterday before I read his will and it won't make a change to my life now that I know what was or wasn't in his will. His loss. is not my gain, and I didn't lose anything either way.